Credit Security..?

Translation of a conversation this morning at the supermarket cash register... (I'll leave out the repeated lines from the clerk that I didn't understand the first time, or the lines I repeated that the clerk didn't understand due to my poor pronunciation.)

Me: May I pay with a card? (Always a good question as sometimes the machines are offline or broken)
Clerk: Of course.

Clerk rings up all the groceries and I finish bagging and the clerk announces the total, I hand her my credit card. Now like many credit cardholders in the US I do not sign the back of my cards but write in big block letters "SEE ID."

The clerk inspects the card, like most of them do and then runs it through her machine and hands me the touchpad and asks.

Clerk: Insert your Pin code.

Me: It is a credit card without Pin code.

Up to this point this is a fairly normal conversation when paying by card here, most Russians (and at least a couple of years ago Europeans for that matter) use what they call Visa electron or Visa plus cards which you and I would call debit cards attached to a checking account. My language tutor informed me that many Russians also use what we would call credit cards that are not tied to a checking account but a bank loan of some sort, but even those take Pin Codes for additional security.

Clerk: Your Documents please. (Also a fairly normal question when I don't use a pin code on my card.)

I hand her my Russian drivers license and a photocopy of my passport. The Russian drivers license has my name in Russian which unless she knows english phonics looks nothing like the english letters on my Visa, and of course the Passport is a perfect match to the Visa, but most clerks prefer the drivers license, anyhow.

All seems ok and the receipt prints off and she hands it to me to sign. I sign my name and hand it back to her, she looks at my signature and picks up her phone. She calls someone and whispers something very quickly, knowing the odds are I won't understand what she says. She is right.

Quickly the security guards come over and stand behind her. I ask?

Me: Does the card not work? (I know it did as the receipt I just signed has an approval code on it)

Clerk: Your signature does not match the signature on the back of the card. (She is holding the card away from me as if it is not mine)

Me: It is not my signature on the back of the card (this causes major consternation on her face and the security guards) I backpedal- What is on the card means that you should look at my documents and compare the photographs to me and not compare the signatures.

I am sweating, knowing full well they think I am committing credit card fraud, I start reaching for my cell phone to call the US Consulate and let them know I MAY be on my way to a Russian jail, a reoccurring nightmare of mine.

I throw on the counter all the documents in my wallet with my picture on them, and some without a picture at all and two other credit and debit cards and try to explain that SEE ID means to inspect the persons documents and is not really my signature. The other customers waiting behind me all have left to other lanes by now.

At this point another clerk comes over, one who I have had many times before and starts asking what is happening. The clerks discuss for a while. The original clerk asks.

Clerk- Can you sign on the receipt exactly what is written on the back of your card? (She is still holding the card away from me as if it is not mine)

Me- Yes.

Clerk prints off another receipt with signature line and carefully observes while I write in Big Block Letters on the signature line.... "S E E I D"

She is satisfied with the transaction returns my card and thanks me for shopping there and I wipe the sweat of my brow and grab my cart to get out of there.

Hopefully I only have to tell this story to the you guys on the blog, if I have to repeat it I fear it will be to the Visa Card company explaining why there is a double charge on my account as I guess technically I did sign two receipts.